We All Have Secrets

Many people have secrets or things about themselves they don’t want others to know. Those secrets can be something as simple as they have a new job to more serious matters such as divorce.[1] But getting someone to tell you their secret can be difficult. If you want someone to open up to you,

building trust and showing that you can keep secrets may get them to tell you the secret.

Enjoy sincere conversations. Have conversation with the person that are sincere and cover a range of topics. Talking about meaningful things to the person can help them consciously connect positive feelings about you and make her more likely to open up to you.[2]

isten intently. Listen closely to what they are saying during your conversations. Reference what they've said other times you talk, which shows to them that you are paying close attention to them and their needs.[4]

Incorporate different topics into your conversation. Keep it lighthearted and funny at times and balance that with more serious matters at others.[3]
Be as sincere as possible without appearing fake. For example, if your friend having trouble in your relationship in a way you cannot relate you can assure her and say “I don’t totally understand how you’re feeling,

Maintain discretion. Likely the best way to gain your friend’s trust and get them to tell you secrets is maintain complete discretion on all matters they discusses with you.^[19] Avoid divulging information they've told you to others or making light of it in other conversations you have with her.^[20]

• Ask her to divulge. If you know your friend has a secret, just ask her to tell you. No matter her decision, accept and move on from it.
  
  • Ask in a patient and non-confrontational manner.
  • Assure your friend you want to know because you support her and that you will keep the secret to yourself.
• Keep anything you think might be sensitive to your friend to yourself.
• Ask if you are not sure if you can say something to others, but know this might undermine their trust for you. For example, if they tells you there is pregnant, just ask “should I keep this to myself or are you sharing the news with others.”^[21]
• Respect there wishes with whatever there decision on relaying information is.^[22]

but I am happy to talk about this however much and in whatever way you need.” This would be better than simply saying “I know exactly how you feel,” especially if you don’t

Ask questions during the conversation, which can show that you’re listening closely to what your friend is saying.[5]
Notice differences in their tone or demeanor, which may indicate they are hesitant about something or it is difficult for them. You can gently probe by asking “is everything alright?” This will give them a chance to let you know if anything is wrong.
Don’t push your friend to tell you anything with which they are uncomfortable. This shows them that you are trustworthy and genuinely there for them.

Show your independence. In conversations and interactions, show your friend that you are independent and able to think for yourself. Demonstrating that you are not susceptible to outside opinions or pressure to talk about them can help show that you are reliable, sincere, and trustworthy. This may make them more likely to tell you her secrets.[16]

Zhazham!