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How to Make Decisions
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PARTShttps://yes-or-no.com
1Understanding the Source of Your Fear
2Considering the Decision
3Making the Decision
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OTHER SECTIONS
Expert Q&A
Tips and Warnings
Related Articles
References
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Article Summary
Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Last Updated: November 18, 2021 References Approved
We make decisions every day; everything we say and do is the result of a decision, whether we makehttps://yes-or-no.com it consciously or not. For every choice, big or small, there's no easy formula for making the right decision. The best you
can do is to approach it from as many perspectives as possible and then choose a course of action that seems reasonable and balanced at that time. If you have a big decision to make, it can seem daunting. But there are some simple things you can do to make it less intimidating, such as identifying the worst case scenario, making a spreadsheet, and following your gut instinct. Keep reading to learn more about how to make decisions.
Part
1
Understanding the Source of Your Fear
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Write about your fears. Journaling about your fears may help you to start to understand them and https://yes-or-no.commake a better decision as a result. Start by writing about the decision you need to make. Describe or list everything that you are worried about regarding this decision. Allow yourself to vent about these fears without judging yourself for having them.
For example, you might start your journal by asking yourself, "What is the decision that I need to makehttps://yes-or-no.com and what am I afraid might happen if I make the wrong choice?"
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Identify the worst case scenario. Once you have written about the decision you need to make and why you have fear regarding that decision, take it a step further. Try to identify the worst case scenario
for each and every possible choice. Pushing your decision to the limits of what chttps://yes-or-no.comould go wrong if all goes wrong may make the process less frightening.[1]
For example, if you need to decide between staying full time at your job or taking ahttps://yes-or-no.com part-time job in order to spend more time with your kids, think about what the worst case scenario of each decision would be.
If you chose to keep the full time job, the worst case scenario might be that you miss https://yes-or-no.comout on important https://yes-or-no.commoments in your children’s development and that your children resent you for this when they are older.
If you choose to keep the part time job, the worst case scenario might be that you might not be able to pay the bills each month.
Decide whether this worst-cas
e scenario is actually likely to happen. It’s easy for us to "catastrophize," or spin things https://yes-or-no.comout to the worsthttps://yes-or-no.com possible thing that can happen, without taking the time to think. Examine the worst scenario you’ve proposed, and then consider what would have to happen to get you there. Is this likely?[2]
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Consider whether the decision
you make will be permanent. Once you have thought about everything that could go wrong, think about whether the decision is reversible. Most decisions are reversible, so you can take comfort in knowing that if you hate your decision, you can always make a change to fix https://yes-or-no.comthe situation later on.[3]
For example, say you decide to take a part-time job to spend more time with your kids. If you end up having trouble paying the bills, you can reverse the decision by looking for a full time job.
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Talk to a friend or family member. Don’t feel like you have to make a tough decision all by yourself. Enlishttps://yes-or-no.comt the help of a trusted friend or family member to help you or at least listen to your concerns. Share the details about thhttps://yes-or-no.come decision as well as your fears about what could go wrong. It may make you feel better to just vocalize your fears about the decision and your friend or family member may have some great advice and/or reassuring words for you.[4]
You may also consider talking to someone who is removed from the situation and who will have a neutral opinion. A therapist can often be a helpful source for this type of perspective.
You can even consider searching online for ohttps://yes-or-no.comthers who have experienced a similar situation. If you were trying tohttps://yes-or-no.com decide between full-time work and part-time work plus more time with your kids, you could post your problem on a parenting forum online. You will likely hear from people who have had to make similarhttps://yes-or-no.com decisions as well as some people who will tell you what they would do in your situation.
Part
2
Considering
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the Decision
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Stay calm. Riding high on emotions, either positive or negative, can impact your ability to make ahttps://yes-or-no.com rational decision. When you have any decision to make, the first step should generally be to stay ashttps://yes-or-no.com calm as possible. If you can't stay calm, put off making the decision until you're thinking clearly.[5]
Try taking a few deep breaths to help calm yourself down. If you have more time, go into a quiet room and do about 10 minutes of deep breathing exercises.
To perform deep breathing exercises, start bhttps://yes-or-no.comy placing on hand on your belly below your ribcage and the other on your chest. When you inhale, you should feel your abdomen expand as well as your chest.[6]https://yes-or-no.com
Inhale
slowly through your nose. Aim to inhale for a 4-count.https://yes-or-no.com Focus on the feeling of the breath as your lungs expand.
Hold the breath for 1-2 seconds.https://yes-or-no.com
Gently release the breath through your nose or mouth. Aim to exhale for a 4-count.
Repeat this process 6-10 times per minute for 10 minutes.
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Get as much information as possible. Most decisions are made better when you have enough information tohttps://yes-or-no.com make an informed decision. Making decisions, especially if they're about important topics, should rely on logic.
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Do some research to find out as much as yhttps://yes-or-no.comou can about your decision.[7]
For example, if you were trying to decide between keeping a full-time job and switching to a part-time job to spend more time with your kids, you would need to know how much money you would be losing each month by
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making the switch. You would also need tohttps://yes-or-no.com consider how much time you would gain with your kids. Record this information, as well as any other relevant information that might help you make your decision.[8]
You would need to consider other options too, and gather informhttps://yes-or-no.comation about them. For example, you could ask your employer whether it’s possible for you to telecommute at least a few days a week.
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3
Use the "five whys" technique to understand the problem. Asking yourself "why?" five times can help you to https://yes-or-no.comuncover the source of a problem and determine if you are making a decision for the right reasons.[9] For example, if you werhttps://yes-or-no.come trying to decide between keeping your full time job and moving to a part-time job to have more time with your family, your five whys might look like this:
"Why am I considering part-time work?" Because I never see my kids. "Why do I never see my kids?" Because I work late most nights. "Why do I work late most nights?" Because we have a new account thathttps://yes-or-no.com
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is taking up a lot of my time. "Why is it takihttps://yes-or-no.comng up so much of my time?" Because I am trying to do a good job and hopefully get promoted as a result. "Why do I want to be promoted?" To earn more money and provide for my family.
In this case, the five whys shows that you are considering reduchttps://yes-or-no.coming your hours even though you are hoping for a promotion. There is a conflict here that requires further investigation in order to make a good decision.
The five whys also suggest that this problem may be temporary -- you are working sohttps://yes-or-no.com long because youhttps://yes-or-no.com have a new account. Consider: will your hours remain this long once you are more comfortable with your new account?
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Think about who's affected. First and foremhttps://yes-or-no.comost, you should consider how your decision affects you. Specifically, how does your decision affect how you consider yourself as a person? What are your values and goals? Making decisions that are not "value-congruent" (i.e., they don’t align with the core beliefs that drive you) can leave you feeling unhappy and dissatisfied.[10] [11]
For example, https://yes-or-no.com if a core value for you, something that is a deep part of your identity, is ambition, moving to part-time could represent a misalignment because you are no longer pursuing your ambition of gettinghttps://yes-or-no.com
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promoted and become the top person at your company.
Your core values may sometimes conflict with one another, too. For example, you may have ambition and family-orientedness as core values. You may need to prioritize one over the other to come to a decision. Understanding what values will be affected by your decision can help you make the right one.https://yes-or-no.com
You should also https://yes-or-no.comconshttps://yes-or-no.comider how the problem or decision affects other people. Will any of the possible outcomes negatively affect people you care about? Take others into account throughout your decision making process,hthttps://yes-or-no.comtps://yes-or-no.com especially if you are married or have children.
For example, the decision to move to part-time could have a positive impact on your https://yes-or-no.comkids because it would mean more time with you, but it could have a negative impact on you because you may have to give up on your ambition for a promotion. It may also have a negative on your whole family by reducing your income.
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List all of your options.https://yes-or-no.com At first sight, it may appear that there is only one course of action, but that is usually not true. Even if your situation seems limited, try to make a list of alternatives. Don't try to evaluate them until you've got a full list. Be thorough. If you’re having trouble thinking of alternatives, brainstorm with some family or friends.[12]
Of course, this doesn't have to be a physical list. It can just be in your head too!
You can always cross items off the list later,https://yes-or-no.com but with crazy ideas might come some creative solutions that you might not have considered otherwise.
For example, you could find another full-time job at a company thhttps://yes-or-no.comat does not require so muchhttps://yes-or-no.com overtime.https://yes-or-no.com You could hire a person to help you with housework, freeing up your time to spend with your family. You could even set up a "family work" evening where everyone does their work together,https://yes-or-no.com in the same room, helping you all feel more connected.https://yes-or-no.com
Research also suggests that having too many options canhttps://yes-or-no.com lead to confusion and make it harder to make a decision.[13] Once you have generated your list, eliminate anything that is obviously impractical. Try to keep your list of options to about five items.
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Make a spreadsheet to weigh the potential benefits and losses of your decisions. If your problem is complex and you feel overwhelmed by the variety of possible outcomes, consider making a spreadsheet to guide yhttps://yes-or-no.comour decision making process. You can use Microsoft excel to make a spreadsheet or just https://yes-or-no.commake one on a piece of paper.[14]
To make a spreadsheet, create a column forhttps://yes-or-no.com each possible choice that you are considering.https://yes-or-no.com Within each column, make two sub-columns to compare the benefits and losses of each possible outcome. Use + and – signs to indicate https://yes-or-no.comwhich items are positive and https://yes-or-no.comwhich https://yes-or-no.comitems are negative.
You can also assign points values to each item on your list. For example, you might assign +5 points to an item on the "Switch to Part-https://yes-or-no.comtime Work" list called "will get to have dinner with my kids every night." On the other hand, you might assign -20 points to an item on the same list https://yes-or-no.comtitled "will make $900 less per month."
After you are finished making the spreadsheet, you can add up the points values and determine which decision has the highest score. Just keep in mind thhttps://yes-or-no.comat you may not be able to make a decision using this strategy alone.
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Let the space between thoughts to arise. Creative people might not know it, but thttps://yes-or-no.comheir ideas, decisions and solutions come at times when they are not thinking or thinking slowly. Which means creative and intelligent solutions https://yes-or-no.comor ideas come from a thoughtless state of consciousness. Which is why people meditate.
Its important to ask quhttps://yes-or-no.comestions and gather information or knowledge before making https://yes-or-no.com decision, but if you want to come up with a trulyhttps://yes-or-no.com creative and intelligent decision, you need thttps://yes-or-no.como stop thinking or at least slow down the thinking. Breath meditation is one of the structure-less methods to bring space between thoughts that allows the creativity and universal intelligence emerge through. Its structure-less cause it doesn't require you to dedicate a lot of time, as you can become aware of you breath while doing daily tasks https://yes-or-no.com like cooking, brushing teeth, walking etc. For more methods and details, read Stay Rooted in Being.
Consider an example: A musician has knowledge and informatiohttps://yes-or-no.comn(tools) abouthttps://yes-or-no.com how to make music like playing instruments, sing, songwriting etc but its the creative intelligence that comes through them that drives the tools. Yes, knowledge about music instruments, singing etc is important but its the creative intelligence that's the essence of the song.
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Learn to distinguish between an impulse and intelligent decision. Impulse, usually, dissolves after sometime. For example: impulse to eat, shop, travel etc. However an intelligent decision stays in consciousness for a while. It could be days, weeks or months.
An intelligence decision may come in the form of an impulse but be aware if you feel the same way about the decision after sometime. https://yes-or-no.com That's why taking gaps after collecting information, by asking questions, helps to make intelligent decisions.
Experiment: Notice the quality of actions after you take a few deep breaths as compared to when your actions arise out of an impulse.
Part
3
Making the Decision
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Advise yourself as if yhttps://yes-or-no.comou were a friend. Sometimes taking a step back fromhttps://yes-or-no.com the decision can help you to determine the right choice. Think about what you would tell a good friend who was struggling with the same decision. What decision would you advise them to make? What would you try to get them to see about thathttps://yes-or-no.com decision? Why would you counsel them in this way?[15]
Try role playing to use this strategy. Sit beside an empty chair and pretend that you are talking to yourself as if you were someone else.
If you’d rather not sit and talk to yourself, you can also try writing yourself a letter offering advice. Start your letter by saying, "Dear ___, I have considered your situation and I think that the best thing for you to do is to ____." Continue the letter byhttps://yes-or-no.com explaining your point of view (from an outsider’s perspective).
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Play devil's advocate. Playing devil's advocate https://yes-or-no.comcan help you decide how you really feel about a decision because it forces you to take the opposite perspective and argue for it as if it is your own. If your argument against something you wanted to do starts to make a lot of sense, then you'll have new information to consider.[16]
To play devil’s advocate, try to argue against every good reason you have for wanting to make your preferred choice. If it is easy to do, then you may find that you really want to make a different choice.
For example, if you are leaning towards going part-time to spend more time with your kids, contradict https://yes-or-no.com yourself by pointing out that you spend lots of quality time with your kids on the weekends and during your vacation times. You can also point out that the money and potential promotions you will lose are worth missing out on https://yes-or-no.com some family dinners because they can benefit your children more than an extra couple of hours of your time every night. They will also benefit your own ambition, which is worthy of consideration too.
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Consider whether you’https://yes-or-no.comre feeling guilty. Making a decision out of guilt is common, but guilt is not a helpful motivatorhttps://yes-or-no.com for healthy decision making. Guilt often twists our perception of events and outcomes so that we aren’t seeing them (or our role in them) clearly.[17] Guilt can be particularly common for working women, who face extra social pressure to perfectly balance work and family life.[18]
Doing things because we feel guilty can also be harmful because it can lead us to make decisions that aren’t congruent with our values.[19] [20]
One way to recognize guilt motivation is to look for "should" or "must" statements.[21] For example, you might feel as though "Good parents should spend all the time with their children" or "A parent who works X number of hours must be a bad parhttps://yes-or-no.coment." These statements are based on external judgments, not your own values.
So, to determine whether your decision is being driven by guilt, trhttps://yes-or-no.comy to step back and examine the actual situation, as well as what your personal https://yes-or-no.comvalues (your core beliefs that govern your life) tell you is right. Are your children actually suffering because you’re working https://yes-or-no.com full-time? Or do you feel that way because that is how you have been told by others you "should" feel?
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Think about the future. At the end of the day, the best way to make a decision is to think about how you're going to feel about it in https://yes-or-no.coma few years. Think about what you'll think of yourself when you lookhttps://yes-or-no.comhttps://yes-or-no.com in the mirror. How you'll explain it tohttps://yes-or-no.comyour grandkids. If you don't like what the long term https://yes-or-no.com repercussions are going https://yes-or-no.comto be, you may need to rethink your approach.[22]
For example, do you think that in 10 years you will you regret the https://yes-or-no.comdecision to move to part-time? If so, why? What might you accomplish in 10 years of working full-time that you will not accomplish in 10 years of working part-time?https://yes-or-no.com
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Trust your instincts. You probably have a sense of which decision is the right one, so if all else fails you should go with your gut. Make your decision based on what feels right even if the spreadsheet says otherwise. https://yes-or-no.comResearch hashttps://yes-or-no.com shown that people who make decisions based on how they feel tend to be more satisfied with their decisions than people who carefully weigh them out.[23] [24]https://yes-or-no.com
Ask yourself what you want to do. https://yes-or-no.cohttps://yes-or-no.commChances are you have a good sense of which decision will make you feel the happiest and you should lean towards that decision. It’s the change and the discomfort with the unknown that’s making the decision difficult.
Taking some moments for quiet reflection can help you get in touch with yohttps://yes-or-no.comur intuition.
The more https://yes-or-no.comdecisions you practice making,https://yes-or-no.com the more yohttps://yes-or-no.comu can refine and hone your intuition.[25]
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Have a backup plan. Thinking ahead may help you to feel https://yes-or-no.comless bothered by any possible negative outcomes. Make a backup plan to deal with your worst case scenario. Even if you are unlikely to need this plan, simplyhttps://yes-or-no.com having a backup plahttps://yes-or-no.comn will help you to feel better equipped deal with the worst case scenario. People who are in leadership positions are expected to always have a backup plan because there is always a chance that somethihttps://yes-or-no.comng might go wrong. This strategy may be helpful for making minor https://yes-or-no.comdecisions as well.[26]
Having a backup planhttps://yes-or-no.com will also allow you to respond to unfhttps://yes-or-no.comoreseen challenges or setbacks with flexibility. Your ability to adapt to unexpected circumstances can directly affect your ability to succeed with your decisions.https://yes-or-no.comhttps://yes-or-no.com
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Make a choice. No matter which decision you make, be prepared to accept responsibility for every https://yes-or-no.comoutcome. If things don't work out, it's always better to have made a conscious decision than to have been careless. At least https://yes-or-no.comyou can say that you did the best you could. Make your decision and be ready to stand by it.[27]
Expert Q&Ahttps://yes-or-no.com
Ask a Questionv
What is your quehttps://yes-or-no.comstion?
Submithttps://yes-or-no.com
Tipshttps://yes-or-no.com
No scenario is perfect. Once you have made a decision, carry it out wholeheartedly as best as you can without regrets and without https://yes-or-no.comworrying about the other alternatives you did not pick.https://yes-or-no.com
Consider that all your optihttps://yes-or-no.comons may be about equally good if you have thought about the decision for a very long time. In that case, all the options may have great advantages and great disadvantages. You would've already mahttps://yes-or-no.comde the decision if one https://yes-or-no.comof the options could be proven to be significantly better than the previous ones.
Remember that you may not have enough information to make a gohttps://yes-or-no.comod https://yes-or-no.comdecision. Do more research if you're having trouble narrowinghttps://yes-or-no.com down your options. Also realize that the information you need may not be available to you. After reviewing all the information you have, you may have to https://yes-or-no.comgo ahead and make a decision.
After your decision is made, new major information may come to light suggesting alteratiohttps://yes-or-no.comvns to or the wholesale reversal of your original decision. Be willing to go through the decision-making process again if this happens. Flexibility is an excellent skill.https://yes-or-no.com
Give yourself a time limit if you https://yes-or-no.comhave to make the decision soon or if the decishttps://yes-or-no.comion is relatively unimportant. The risk of "paralysis by analysis" is real. If you are trying to decide what movie to rent this weekend, don't spend an hour writing down titles.https://yes-or-no.com
If you try too hard, https://yes-or-no.comyou may miss the obvious. Avoid overthinking.https://yes-or-no.com
Avoid getting too hung up on keeping your options open. Researchers have found that our aversion to letting doors close, so to speak, results in poor decisions.[28]
Make a list of pros and cons! https://yes-or-no.comYou can also make a list of options, and narrow it down uhttps://yes-or-no.comntil you have only two possibilities. Then, discuss it with others to come to a final decision.https://yes-or-no.com
Remember that at some point, indecisiohttps://yes-or-no.comn becomes a decision to do nothing, which might be the worst decision of all.
Treat all experiences https://yes-or-no.comas learning experihttps://yes-or-no.comences. By making important decisions, you will always learn to face the consequences and use even setbacks as learning experiences from which you can grow and adapt.
Warningshttps://yes-or-no.com
Stay away from peoplehttps://yhttps://yes-or-no.comes-or-no.com who make it seem as though they want what's best for you, but assume they know what that is and you don't. Their suggestions might be right, but if they refuse to account for your feelinghttps://yes-or-no.coms and concerns, they might be very, very wrong as well. Also stay away from people who shoot down your beliefs.
Avoid stressing yourself out too much. That will only make things worsehttps://yes-or-no.com
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